Tale as old as time...

This weekend was fantastic! Saturday my family came to visit me and we went out to my favorite place for brunch - Nicks on Broadway. It meant so much for them to drive down here and spend the day with me showing them where I live, work and play. Valentine's Day I felt so sick - but I was still happy! While I was napping Andrew surprised me by not only setting up a chair for my desk, but he also left me a enormous card (I think it was the biggest one ever made) and a stuffed money who makes kissy noises. I was so surprised! I feel so lucky that I have such a thoughtful and caring boyfriend. In the evening we attended Beauty and the Beast - it was so whimsical and so amazing! Even though I felt wretched, I am so happy that I was able to stay for the whole show. The lights, the orchestra, the dancing - it was all so romantic.

I can't seem to stop thinking about the show and the meaning of the story. I think that it is true - that someone can transform to a different person. Some would disagree, coining the term "a leopard doesn't change it's spots..." I strongly disagree. Men and women are not leopards. Throughout the centuries we have evolved - from cavemen to ladies and gentlemen - it's cultural evolution and the beauty of being a human. We have the capacity to mature, to learn and continue to better ourselves to be an individual that we are proud of being.
I have witnessed first hand the transformation man can undergo- how a person can truly change. But, in this instance it was for the worse.
My father was my best friend; We were so close and he knew everything about me. Whether we were running our daily 5 miles, scouting in the woods, fishing, kicking the soccer ball- we were inseparable... Then it all fell apart. He lost his job, distanced himself, and transformed into this stranger... I went off to college but because at-home-chaos I returned the next semester... I felt obligated to live at home and be there for my mother and help my sister cope with her issues. My father and I never regained our friendship. He started drinking more and more. Continued to lie... cheat...steal...etc. He is in the worst place right now and still hasn't reached his rock bottom. I will spare you the details...
It has been 7 years since he changed from my father and best friend to someone I don't even know, someone who I am fearful of... I haven't seen him in years and I don't know if I ever will.
Despite all of the bad that has happened I am not bitter. I reminisce the good times and I am thankful for everything he has taught me. I remember times when I would jokingly ask him why he is teaching me how to change the oil in the truck or cut down trees with a chainsaw, and he would pause and smile, responding, "Because if there comes a day I am not here I need you to be able to take care of the family."
I will never forget his words. At the time I would never think that "being gone" would mean the complete opposite of the thoughtful, compassionate, adventurous and unique father I once loved.
Though I do feel emptiness that I lost my best friend and dad, I gained strength and knowledge - I have learned so much about what is really important and myself & I am a stronger and wiser person because of the experiences I have endured.
So, in a way I have also changed. Goes to show anyone can change, but it is only through his own desire. I would never try to change someone - I know firsthand that it would never work. I had begged, cried, screamed, fought, gave ultimatums, I tried everything to try to urge my father to get help... I didn't even ask for perfection, just progress...one little step at a time in the right direction.
One good decision at a time. Nobody is perfect. But I feel that if you simplify life and focus on doing the right thing life will be more calm..maybe even close to perfect. One can only change if its organic and natural evolution within them self...if they truly want it and desire a simple, loving and overall more fulfilling life. Relish each moment and when crossroads come do what is right in your heart.

promise

"promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best.
forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you."
.christian d. larson.

We are the kings and queens of Providence

So...it has been quite a while since I have written. But then again, there have been a lot of exciting changes in my life since late 2009.

Let's see - right before Thanksgiving I had to make a big decision. I had to decide where I was going to live! I had a few few options: relocate to a new apartment in Worcester, move back home (not really an option) or move to Providence, RI with my boyfriend. I found myself really evaluating my life. A 24 year old college graduate, living in Worcester, who had committed 2 years to a manufacturing company in hopes of getting ahead and bettering herself, aka not be a receptionist, but was still in the same position as when she started. It was time for a change.

I moved to Providence. The rational part of me promised myself I would just commute until I find a new job. Even if I waited tables or did make-up, it would be better than working for the previous company answering phones... I wasn't respected, I discovered things and people in the company that disgusted me, and I knew that there was no happy future if I stayed. I knew I was worth so much more and I deserved to give it to myself.

I did the hour long commute for weeks and weeks. I kept my move a secret. That is until a bad snowstorm hit and I was 3 and 1/2 hours late to work. It was that moment that I decided it was time for a change. I knew I had to share my secret with my supervisor, and good friend. It was that same day that I submitted my letter of resignation.

As I handed in the letter a wave of relief came over me. It is official. The next chapter of my life had unfolded. Though it was blank I was still giddy with excitement. In my heart I was committed to a new future. No more "corporate" office drama no more "just a receptionist" - I felt so free to have taken a full leap towards a better future.

I drove, worked and searched for a job. Two weeks passed and still nothing. Like any break-up there was some drama... Some people told me I was out of my mind to quit in such a bad economy, but I knew in my heart it would all be ok. Others gave me a wink and and encourgaing "you're too good for this..." or "You deserve better..." I liked when those people visited my desk.

My last day at the old company was a Monday and I had spent the last few weeks submitting my resume, following up on leads and signing up with placement agencies. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...I had interviews every day, some days there would be 2 or even 3 interviews. By the next week I had numerous job offers... My confidence boosted & my thoughts progressed from "just finding a job" to really thinking, "What am I passionate about?..what is my ideal job?"

I had always wanted to work at a college, like I did years ago at Assumption. I did try to attain a position at a college- as an Admissions Counselor, while I was working. But time passed, life went on and I became comfortable with what I was doing. I just accepted the routine and went along with my day to day schedule.

Now I had the opportunity to go for my dream of working at a college; of being part of an institution and contribute to a community of professors, students, families - to be part of something bigger than just day to day corporate drama. I went after it- sharing my ideals with the agencies and whoever would listen.
I still went on all of the interviews that I could find, just in case I didn't find my ideal position.
A week had passed and I still haven't committed to a job. I was waiting on the final offer letter from one company when I got a call about a position at RISD -Rhode Island School of Design! My stomach dropped. This was it. This was my chance to pursue my dream. The door was open and all I had to do was show them what I am about and my passion.

And here I am today. I am proud of taking that risk. I went against the odds and not only found a job, but THE job for me. People said that I couldn't do it, I would be begging for my job back, that I was making a huge mistake... I tuned them out.

It's your life... If you listen to anyone but yourself then you will be following their path - when you realize you're on the wrong path you jump to another, maybe someone else's... You will never be happy that way.

I recently read my sister's blog about love. One of the most important foundations in love is loving yourself... If you aren't true to yourself you will never discover true love. If you don't love yourself - then you will never be able to fully love someone else. I am discovering a new city, learning a new position, meeting exciting people and also new Erica.
I feel that I am more in tune with who I am today than ever before; remaining true to my values and following my heart. It has set me free. I love myself now, more than I ever have before. And it's an amazing affair :)

I haven't a clue what I have in store for 2010 - or where I will be a year or 5 from now, I just know that things can only get better. That the rest of my life is the best of my life and my only plan is to make it beautiful.