This weekend was fantastic! Saturday my family came to visit me and we went out to my favorite place for brunch - Nicks on Broadway. It meant so much for them to drive down here and spend the day with me showing them where I live, work and play. Valentine's Day I felt so sick - but I was still happy! While I was napping Andrew surprised me by not only setting up a chair for my desk, but he also left me a enormous card (I think it was the biggest one ever made) and a stuffed money who makes kissy noises. I was so surprised! I feel so lucky that I have such a thoughtful and caring boyfriend. In the evening we attended Beauty and the Beast - it was so whimsical and so amazing! Even though I felt wretched, I am so happy that I was able to stay for the whole show. The lights, the orchestra, the dancing - it was all so romantic.
I can't seem to stop thinking about the show and the meaning of the story. I think that it is true - that someone can transform to a different person. Some would disagree, coining the term "a leopard doesn't change it's spots..." I strongly disagree. Men and women are not leopards. Throughout the centuries we have evolved - from cavemen to ladies and gentlemen - it's cultural evolution and the beauty of being a human. We have the capacity to mature, to learn and continue to better ourselves to be an individual that we are proud of being.
I have witnessed first hand the transformation man can undergo- how a person can truly change. But, in this instance it was for the worse.
My father was my best friend; We were so close and he knew everything about me. Whether we were running our daily 5 miles, scouting in the woods, fishing, kicking the soccer ball- we were inseparable... Then it all fell apart. He lost his job, distanced himself, and transformed into this stranger... I went off to college but because at-home-chaos I returned the next semester... I felt obligated to live at home and be there for my mother and help my sister cope with her issues. My father and I never regained our friendship. He started drinking more and more. Continued to lie... cheat...steal...etc. He is in the worst place right now and still hasn't reached his rock bottom. I will spare you the details...
It has been 7 years since he changed from my father and best friend to someone I don't even know, someone who I am fearful of... I haven't seen him in years and I don't know if I ever will.
Despite all of the bad that has happened I am not bitter. I reminisce the good times and I am thankful for everything he has taught me. I remember times when I would jokingly ask him why he is teaching me how to change the oil in the truck or cut down trees with a chainsaw, and he would pause and smile, responding, "Because if there comes a day I am not here I need you to be able to take care of the family."
I will never forget his words. At the time I would never think that "being gone" would mean the complete opposite of the thoughtful, compassionate, adventurous and unique father I once loved.
Though I do feel emptiness that I lost my best friend and dad, I gained strength and knowledge - I have learned so much about what is really important and myself & I am a stronger and wiser person because of the experiences I have endured.
So, in a way I have also changed. Goes to show anyone can change, but it is only through his own desire. I would never try to change someone - I know firsthand that it would never work. I had begged, cried, screamed, fought, gave ultimatums, I tried everything to try to urge my father to get help... I didn't even ask for perfection, just progress...one little step at a time in the right direction.
One good decision at a time. Nobody is perfect. But I feel that if you simplify life and focus on doing the right thing life will be more calm..maybe even close to perfect. One can only change if its organic and natural evolution within them self...if they truly want it and desire a simple, loving and overall more fulfilling life. Relish each moment and when crossroads come do what is right in your heart.
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